If we keep on comparing ourselves with others that will take away our peace of mind and happiness. Comparing ourselves with others seems like a disease that spread over our soul. People who keep on measuring their cars, houses, bank balance, holidays, jewelery, shoes and dresses with others actually suffer from inferiority complex. If you want to remain happy don’t torture yourself with comparison.

Comparing oneself to others is more prevalent in female species. You have dressed fine to go out and enjoy with friends but someone has dressed up cooler than you is enough to destroy mood. You keep on eying your friend’s dress and accessories on and often. Was it a dress out to kill outing or were you out to enjoy? I often see many females to compare so much that it becomes annoying after a while. They don’t even realize how unhappy they feel if they keep on comparing themselves with others.

There is something about myself that keeps me happy. I don’t know why and how but I have never lost peace of mind over some dress, make-up, shoes, accessories or jewelery that someone else is having. Concentrating or focusing on yourself is the key to happiness.

I am blessed with the presence of some persons in my life whose self worth or self confidence is not proportional to the dress or hairstyle they wear. They never bothered about what is in trend, what is in and what is out. They wear whatever catch their fancy but they never forget to wear their self-confidence. They seem content and happy in whatever they have. And that doesn’t mean they are unambitious. But they chose to excel in their respective fields instead of your dress vs mine. They tend to acquire what they want, not what is trending recently.

I just want to transfer this quality in my kid too. To an extent she is like me. I have never heard her saying, I want that toy or I want that dress which XYZ is wearing. I will try to make sure that my young one remains so in near future too and doesn’t get involved in this fruitless comparing exercise.

If you sit down and see the results of comparing yourself with others, you will be disinclined to indulge in this game. We lose peace of mind, we lose friends and their trust, we get distracted from our goals, we set out to do something for which we are not cut out, we waste our energy in chasing something that keep on setting new standards, we lose self worth and self respect. Why not get rid of all the negative energy and be happy instead? Its so easy to say to your friend if her dress is cooler than you, ‘wow! what a nice dress!’ It will make her day as well as yours when you get a genuine smile that reaches to her eyes, in return.

Last few days were quite eventful. We went out a lot and did a bit of shopping for Holi.

It was a pleasure to purchase pichkaaris and colors for my young one. She was so excited to celebrate Holi. Holi was on Sunday and Since Monday she kept on aksing me without fail, how many days NOW?

I like this festival very much. First we can say goodbye to winter, woolens and heavy blankets. The sky seems SO blue everyday without fail. The air seems so refreshing and oh so springy. I like that mezzanine zone when winter has not yet bid goodbye and summer has not set in yet. You can enjoy the best of both.

Apart from lovely weather I love the Holi festival due to economic reasons too. People from every strata of society can enjoy Holi, no matter what their economic status is. Everyone can afford to buy few packets of color. Its not like Deepawali where only the rich and well heeled can show off.

We enjoyed Holi a lot. My kid was out of house since morning and came back only late in the afternoon. A total stranger decided to drench me with colored water. For the first time in my life I have witnessed balloon missile (filled with colored water) fights between two households. For a while I could spot nothing else but water filled balloon missiles in the air.

Few balloon missiles landed near me and in our house too. But I was not hit by one. Though I was told that it doesn’t heart but I was skeptical. Last year I used mostly organic ‘colors’ to drench my near and dear ones. Nature has given me those free of cost. I used mud from our garden in ample amount. What can be more organic than that? I dragged my young one in mud puddle too. She was not complaining.

I enjoy Holi a lot. It gives us an opportunity to come out of our shells and be a child again. Holi frees us from our daily sophisticated masks we so painstakingly love to don. This festival unleashes the child in us and provides pure happiness if you don’t try to be a jerk and spoil the spirit of this festival.

My pursuit of happiness sets me thinking about decluttering. I want to declutter so many areas of my life. I want to declutter my living room, my dining room, my kitchen, my closets, my book shelf, my mind, my emotions and my mind.

Having more things means more responsibilities. If I keep on stuffing my home with more and more things that increases my responsibility in the direct proportion with the goods we possess. Who in his or her right mind would like to shoulder more and more obligations/duties/liabilities? Having less commodities or articles sets you free from many things and in return brings joy and happiness.

The first thing that we decided to declutter was our credit card balance. No, we didn’t get rid of credit cards but decided to keep them for rarest of the rare cases. We also made a pact that we will do our shopping using cash only. We won’t clutter our credit card sheets with more numbers. It is such a huge relief to know that now we have to make almost zero payments to credit card companies. I think everyone deserves to feel such contentment and happiness.

I want to declutter my home. The way my home looks, I don’t like it. I don’t know why we stash away things for future use which we probably won’t even remember to take out and have a look. I too have heaps of such things. Something tumbles out of one corner or another.
So I have started decluttering. I am doing it everyday. I just want to start small and continue doing it for 365 days a year.

I have kept an unused bucket. Before going to sleep I keep it in any room and start from a small corner. I go through things in that corner quickly and throw it it the bucket. In the morning I give it to our garbage collector.

Its summer now, so I am going to wash all the winter clothes and then store it in two places. Place number one warm clothes will go charity next year and place number two warm clothes will remain with us for our own use. I am unpacking summer clothes too. One set of clothes will go to some orphanage and another will remain with us. I know I will not get rid of clothes only but some of the guilt associated with it.

Decluttering is a great stress buster too. You let o of the emotional baggage associated with it and you feel free and light. I don’t stash away things for emotional reasons. I have given away my little ones expensive toys and clothes to other kids. Its time for others to enjoy those toys and look pretty in those clothes.

Now my younger one is growing up a bit so I will not take one sided decision but sit with her before decluttering her things. Decluttering should be a democratic process and one should not overstep in others shoes.

Today I read somewhere: While you are busy waiting for the best of your life; the rest of your life passes away. That’s why I want to stay happy everyday by just doing one thing that makes me happy. For the past few days, I was unwell. So most of the time I was doing nothing except taking medicines and rest. Naturally I was unable to do much that makes me happy. So I couldn’t continue writing about my experiences.

Today also I am not feeling at the top of my health but something made me realize why can’t I simply count my blessings? It is not necessary that I have to ‘do’ something in order to be happy. I just counted my blessings. And doing so definitely brought a sense of calm and serenity.

Counting your blessings opens up a new vistas. It makes us feel how we take our day to day well beings as for granted and termed it as a usual day. If we watch our usual days closely we will feel gratitude, happiness and sense of serenity.

Today I realize that my friends and family are safe and sound and healthy. No one is bogged down by any major emergency. Today I realized that all of my friends and family had went on with their daily chores and did whatever was required by them to the best of their ability. Today I am thankful for the relationships in my life and the love and affection that come through these relationships.

Today I am also feeling blessed that all of my family and friends are safely tucked in their beds and enjoying a goodnight sleep peacefully. If you are able to picture this, you know how blessed and happy you are able to feel.
Today is devoted to my family and friends. Thank you for being in my life and enriching it by your actions and thoughts.

‘Survival of the Fittest’ might be true for the external world but its untrue for family. External world might say let the unfit perish but not your family. As a potter molds the clay same way our families shape us. Whatever we face in the external world, we always aspire to be “home” with out loved ones. It doesn’t matter if that loved one reside in a home consists of one room apartment or a mansion.

We humans are born as totally “unfit” to survive in this world. It is our family that gives us that edge to survive in this planet. The irony is that we don’t realize the importance of family till we leave the protective fold. There is an element of certainty even when we are fighting the bitterest battle amongst family members. We know no one is going to leave us.
When we start our own adult life then the fact dawn upon us that how much effort and blood and toil are needed to raise a family. But raising a family is not only hard work it gives us a reason to strive hard and give our best to family. It give us a reason to go back home. No matter how beaten and bruised we are feeling in the night our family gives us enough strength to wake up and put up a fight again in the morning.
Our weekend was devoted to family. We went out to dine and watch movie. I like it this way, the three generations of family enjoying together. You don’t have to open a book or watch a documentary, ‘what happened in our times’ My husbands grandfather was freedom-fighter. He didn’t allow his children to watch movies. But the balancing factor came from my husband’s grandmom. How she used to took kids to movie hall and how everything was planned to deceive the grandfather who was in his turn capable of deceiving British. But wives are / were more powerful than British rulers.
I remember my own father didn’t talk to me for eight years. But still he was there whenever I faced any crisis. Today what I miss most is talking to my grandfather. He used to tell a lots of stories of his times and struggles. Though like a convention family we never went to holidays or movies or eating joints but still I used to spend a lot of time with him. I still aspire to have 10% of will power he used to possess. Another thing that I admire of my grandfather is he never used to meddle in our lives. He himself made his life rich and fulfilling on daily basis and didn’t feel any need to interfere in our own lives.
Here I am talking about normal family not about violence prone abusive families. Nothing can be more miserable than that. The hands that are supposed to rock your cradle, rob you of affection, love and care. Then one has to chose not to follow in the family’s footsteps. Even then life is giving us a chance not to repeat those mistakes in our adult life and live consciously and happily.

But if one had a normal family, try to make most of it. Though it is comforting to think that parents are going to live forever, in reality they are not. So enjoy the precious moments with them.

‘Treat people the way you want them to treat you’, is the biggest lie on this planet earth and true for Sachin Tendulkar ONLY. If you are not Sachin Tendulkar and treat people nicely without giving them stinkers, they will apply the policy of ‘use and throw’ on you. If you lend a helping hand most of the time, you will be taken for granted. If you go on helping people at the drop of a hat, they will keep dropping you at the drop of a hat.

When I stopped being too nice to people, it actually increased my happiness quotient. Being too nice is the story of my life. Its the natural conclusion that what goes round comes around. So I was actually scared of the mere thought of saying no or being rude to anyone. Does my niceness led me to the path of happiness? The answer is a big NO. Most often I felt so miserable and unhappy. I used to wonder the usual wonder, ‘what have I DONE’ to piss this person off?

Where I live, people tend to behave as they please. If they are in mood, they will say Hi to you otherwise you might be quite invisible standing right there for them. I remember one lady. She came to our house after ten in the night while I was packing for our holiday in mountains. We had an early morning start. She needed to know the house numbers of society kids so that she can invite them for her kid’s birthday party. I welcomed her and did the needful. When few weeks later I saw her in the garden, she ignored me totally. Last year in December, she again knocked at my door and made the same request. I obliged. Now she is back to her usual ignoring self.So if she is coming to my place next time….

It doesn’t mean I am saying goodbye to my basic nature. But I am certainly going to use my discretion. I am going to pick and chose. Everyone doesn’t deserve my care and attention. Now I too behave in a manner that people think twice before misbehaving with me. Never make yourself too available that people start taking you for granted. Pay attention to your own well being without being selfish.

Having your own personal space is very necessary. If you are not going to create and respect your personal space no one else will. So don’t help people all the time. and learn to say no. Give people opportunity to learn and grow and take responsibility for a while. It will not do them any harm.

People actually have their own set of rules and emotions they care to live by or exhibit. It is a very hard earned lesson but I F-I-N-A-L-L-Y learned it. My good behavior CANT extract good or civilized response from others. Slowly but surely I realized that I can’t control how others behave. What I can control is my own reaction and behavior. That thinking definitely brought me lots of peace and happiness. Taking control of your own behavior and emotions free you from victims mentality too and takes you away from the path of whining and cribbing.

I again felt the surge of pain in my whole body while I opened up my eyes in the morning. My first thought was what the heck! Why I have to get up and do anything. But I had to. Someone was pressing the doorbell. It was my maid. I don’t know how she manages it but she always procures a smile in the morning when I open the door. Now I know she will offer me a fantastic cup of tea and everything will be aright in my side of the world. I forgot for a while that I was having any pain. Then I put on some music and started doing usual chores.

We had to attend a wedding today. I know her because she is my sister’s friend. At one point of time she was my roommate. A highly charged and unusual person. An idealist to the core. Her wedding was unusual too. She is fiercely independent and self respecting person. Though she studied from one of the IITs but she is not in the rat race of big cars, big houses, big holidays… That reminds me of my sister. Though she is a professional but she too refuses to join the rat race. No doubt both are friends.

My friend is a kind of person who makes her own rules and live by it. And when something turns wrong she never runs to her parents to fix it up.

Like my friend, her wedding was unusual too. She planned everything with her groom including getting the wedding cards, trousseau, jewelery, booking of hall… She and her groom spent their own hard earned money. They both invited their respective parents to attend the wedding. And they came.

It was a pleasant surprise to see my friend in her wedding outfit. But that day too she was her usual efficient self. More than being part of Ramleea, they were acting as efficient host receiving guests, looking after them and getting photographed. Photographer was running after them wherever they were going. But the bride and groom were looking cute running here and there, hand in hand. Parents make you pay for having self-respect.

I don’t know if I know any other girl that will invite me to such an unusual wedding. But we were so happy and proud to be part of such a mature and grown-up couple’s wedding.