From Tanmoy Chakrabarti
Long back, nearly seven years ago, one of my very close friends who was elder to me asked me, ï¿½ Why do they ditch? Why do they promise and enjoy the privileges that come with those promises and then their preferences change after sometime? They come back and say -I feel suffocated by your love now, I want freedom, but then I do recognize your feelings, promise me you would never leave me, and continue this one-sided affection towards me- only to hear the YES, so they can use another person again as the doormat whenever they want to in their lives?ï¿½
Then I did not have any answers to those questions. I understood her pain in asking such questions to me. And that sort of pain could not be minimized through philosophical jargons. I could not even ask her to forget him, I could not ask her not to develop suicidal tendencies, I could not brand her as a coward because pains canï¿½t be assessed. As a friend I could just give her a patient ear, a shoulder to cry and probably be dogged and determined myself to wipe her tears by spreading some smiles. Sometimes I was even rude to her, but yes it took me long to help her realize that she is too special and important to feel left out by just one man.
She wasted nearly two years of her beautiful life to gain back her confidence that comes with her family, her academics, and her appearance. She did.
But who would give back those days of tears that she shed for nearly two years? Who would give her back those days where the feeling of being cheated and used put her into a shame at times and angry in some others? Who would give back those times where she kept on justifying to herself that actually she was the one who chose to continue that one-sided relationship of non-committal friendship even when there were words of love exchanged from both sides at a certain time?
I have had many such experiences of offering my shoulders to people. It is just another thing that many of them forgot me, when they became happier but I donï¿½t forget anyone with whom I have ever been in some sort of contact.
I have seen most people who donï¿½t keep commitments are mostly people who offer the first friendship, who propose love first, who try and be unnecessarily emotionally attached during the first few days of the relationship, and who sell their emotional grief not to share but to use that to gain sympathy. And they come in any sex. It is not a unique attribute in males or females.
For me these attributes make them more disgusting and I feel like spitting on their faces when they say- oh dear lets keep the friendship alive- when most of the times they ditch you, go away and again come back and again go away.
Ditchers are a parasitic sub-set of human beings who destroy the norms of happiness. They donï¿½t dignify themselves to be called even animals because they donï¿½t have any confidence which even the animals possess.
If you ask any ditcher he or she would tell you things like- he or she was confused, circumstances won over him or her, but these does not stop them from being the biggest cowards and parasitic non-achievers who cling onto people just for their own benefit.
These people give rise of to a long chain of depression. First they come to someone with their bag of depression with the hope of sympathy from the other, then they offer love and hope to get love in return, then when their job is done they go away gifting the depression. Now this sadness of yours get transferred to your family and friends through you who love you and care you. It gives rise to cynicism all around.
The life that ditchers lead can only be termed as attempts to ruin someone elseï¿½s life, and I am sure they would not ever be happy, as they have lost the art to make others happy too.
Yes, I get angry at such people and some angers I prefer keeping because I am not a messiah of love who goes about saying ï¿½Spread Loveï¿½, ï¿½Talk Loveï¿½! I have seen many of friends, males as well as females, in pain and I have seen the pain affecting me too. And since I respect anyone born as a human being I hate to see humans in pain for someone elseï¿½s whims.
I would just say to those people who feel sad because of these kinds of people, donï¿½t ruin yourselves for such parasites in the name of something as pious of love. If there is love for a certain someone special- there is love for your parents, commitments towards your friends and more than that there are greater commitments towards yourself. Love does not require one to ruin his or her life for someone who canï¿½t keep commitments. I somehow believe even if they come back (with the clichï¿½d, this time I am back as your friend!) still they would not keep those commitments- they would just use you, because they know you are genuine but they canï¿½t ever be.
If you want to see something positive out of it, then just give yourself a pat on your back for being a person who is much above in every aspect than these sort of people. And trust me, the happiness that you would get would be much much greater than the happiness they can ever attain.
The breed of ditchers donï¿½t know what is happiness, as they are shallow and you know what is happiness because you are privileged enough to sustain the depth of feelings. I know it is tough but still- sometimes try listening to songs like I am listening to right now- Dillagi-Dillagi!
And for the ditchers-
Donï¿½t use the words like friendship, love and promise if you are parasitic enough not to understand the meaning of them. At least gather some bits of goods beyond your shallow academic pursuits and stupid job that can make you feel honest and proud in front of your own mirror. You would not ever be able to, I am most certain about it.
I love reading Tanmoy’s posts. The most astonishing thing I find is his clarity of thoughts and the way he is able to pen it. Certainly one day, he is going to be a good writer. Then I will show off this post.